Why You Should Drink Milk

Milk is delicious, healthy and yet it's been turned into an evil that it isn't.  This website is really fun and shows that a lot of the things we're taught about milk are simply false. Even though I grew up on a dairy farm and understood that whole milk is a better, healthier product than the 2% - skim milks, but I still thought it was fattening. Did you know that whole milk is only 3% fat? WHOLE milk. ...and I don't mean the whole milk they sell at the store. Much of that is altered and the fat is removed. This is a fact that I wasn't aware of until today when I checked out the 97 Milk website.
I am reminded of a simple the simple truth that we should ever stop learning... and also that we should never stop drinking whole milk. Don't believe the fads, don't believe the propaganda.

97 Milk Website

P.S. I am an advocate for raw milk which sadly this website doesn't promote. I guess you gotta take the good and leave the rest.

15 Red Flags to Watch for in Guys

*the following is adapted from the "Redirected Relationships" presentation given at the Encouraging Young Ladies Retreat.

Learning to see the red flags in guys (and in people!) can take some work. While some warning signs are obvious, others are not so easy to detect. This is why it can be helpful to get wise counsel when you're interested in a fellow.

15 Red Flags
1 - A guy who is too flattering. This can be any thing from excessively praising you, or shallow praise regarding things like your looks. Too many people can tell you you’re pretty but never praise your real qualities.
2 - A guy who is unkind or mean. 
It doesn’t matter how much you like them. If they aren’t kind, polite or nice to you or to others that’s a big red flag.
3 - If in a relationship he treats other girls the same as you and doesn’t set you apart. 
My brother-in-law was a very popular, friendly guy and he liked to hug all the ladies. My sister didn’t feel comfortable with that and stopped talking to him. He finally saw the error of his ways when his father and a friend backed my sister up.
4 - How a guy treats others when he’s around you.  When a guy is waiters, cashiers or other such people these are good times to watch his behavior. This is important because someday you’ll be the one serving your husband. If he treats someone who's serving him, such as a waitress, with disrespect then he’ll probably treat you that way too.
5 - How a guy acts with kids. 
Remember, you can choose your husband but your kids can’t choose their father. Choose wisely.
6 - A guy who’s so cool that he’s out of your league.
Any guy who acts as if you’re lucky to be with him is bad news. Another thing to watch for is a guy who doesn’t make time for you or your relationship and treats you like a pot on the back burner. Respect yourself and know that you deserve someone who thinks the world of you. My friend Cassandra says, “Don’t settle for someone who treats you half way.”  
7 - A guy who doesn’t want to take responsibility. 
Cassandra went on a date with a guy who told her, “I’m more of a follower so you’ll have to take the lead in this relationship” This is the sort of sissy you don't want to end up with.
8 - A guy who lists his life history of problems right off the bat. 
While the flip side can be a guy who doesn’t ever acknowledge any problems it’s more normal for a person to put their best foot forward initially. Someone who gives you a sob story right away is choosing to be the victim in life. If this guy is miserable he's definitely looking for company. Don't join his pity party. You don't want to lead a miserable life, too.
9 - A guy who shows a lack of protection and gentlemanly behavior. 
Whether it’s opening doors, chairs, or letting you walking on the inside of the road, a man should lay down his life for his wife and his children or anyone who he's responsible for.
10 - A man who expects everyone to serve him but never serves others. If a guy who has high expectations and wants to be served from a silver platter but can't reciprocate is looking for a mama to take care of him. Not a wife. It's also probably that his mom is a piece of work since she was the one who catered to and cultured his needy ways. That's not the kind of mother-in-law you want. You should have to compete with your husband's mother.
11 - A guy who pushes your boundaries. Watch out for guys who don't respect your boundaries, especially men who don’t respect physical boundaries. Guys who do this often start off with the little things and work their way up to crossing your biggest boundaries. When you object they’ll find convincing ways to get off the hook and excuse their behavior. Different men do this in different ways. There are passive guys and there are aggressive guys.  Sometimes it can be hard to detect if a guy is very subtle. These guys view you as a challenge and/or they’re in it to see how far they can undo all your standards. The best way to protect yourself is to establish your boundaries and keep to them. Remember this applies to other areas besides being physical. Emotional and spiritual boundaries are at risk, too. No matter how much you like a guy, or how respectful he is in every other way, if he doesn’t have your fathers blessing or he’s not your husband this is a BIG red flag. 
12- Another thing to watch out for is negative family history. 
Bad family relationships, abuse or other forms of dysfunction don’t necessarily mean a guy will be a nut job but he may come with baggage. Or he may just be a nut job. When searching for a husband we ladies often err on the side of giving a guy the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to see the good in the first guy I courted and dwell on his potential. I didn’t consider the issues with his character. Here is a good rule of thumb: A guy is always guilty until proven innocent.
13 - If you end things and they don’t accept that. AND...
14 - If he tries to get you to leave your parent's leadership and home.
The first guy I courted was notorious for not taking no for an answer. Even after I'd made it clear I was no longer interested in him I received a letter from him in 2016. He mailed it to his sister and had her deliver it to me so that my parents wouldn't see it. It was the weirdest letter ever. It was like if Satan had tried to copy a letter from the Apostle Paul. It was full of twisted scripture and while he tried to make it sound like he had godly intentions, he tried to tell me that my parents were of the devil. He wrote, "Allow me to be pointed now and say instruction from your parents alone will destroy your true potential in Jesus. If they disagree then they have stepped into the shoes of Jesus and are lead of the devil. Let that not be the case. May I also be bold and say that you should leave your parents house in order to follow Jesus. The woman of Proverbs 31 did not stay at home under her parents wings. May I also say that most men don't desire a woman who is foreign to living in the world. You barely know your own self, why would someone else wish to enter into a relationship with you? Finding your identity is something that you do now. Please see the wisdom in this, not for my glory but for Gods."
He ended the letter, " P.S. I have spent much time talking with friends and family about you and it has been a great thing. I know we haven't talked in a very long time. Sometime I'd like to know why? Many people have said we should get married. I have thought about it and prayed about it. So if you want to talk about that we can. If nothing else I'd like to talk about Jesus working in your life and mine. That is the only thing that matters to me anymore."
I like how he just got done telling me that no one would want to be in a relationship with me while I live at my parents home and then dangles the bate of marriage in the Post Script. I have to chuckle every time I read this letter, but it's scary to consider what he'd hoped that letter would produce.
15 - Rushing things is a red flag.  Watch out for a guy who is hasty. This can be an issue. You’re more likely to see a guy’s real character the longer you get to know him so don’t make decisions in the heat of the moment or commit to someone in the beginning of a relationship. It's important to remember that a guy who is hasty may have a problem being patient. Patience is key when you get married because there will be stressors in your relationship, with your children and in life in general.
 
To sum it up!
If your interested in a guy who seems to be demonstrating red flags or people are telling you they’re seeing red flags in him you should take note! Get second opinions, keep an eye out for these problems and if they are really an issue steer clear of the dude! He’s not the only man on earth and there are more fish in the sea!

The Importance of parents in the process of guy/girl relationship

*the following is adapted from the "Redirected Relationships" presentation given at the Encouraging Young Ladies Retreat.

Prov. 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

Hebrews 13:17, Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

Some gals might feel like their parent’s intervention is going to ruin their lives but this is the form of protection God has given us as we seek a husband. I cannot stress enough how huge it was to have my parents involved in both of my courtships and in dismissing the guys who I chose not to court. The first time around I really gave my parents a run for their money. I didn’t always like my parent’s involvement during my first courtship. When they started advising me against the fellow I liked I didn’t want to hear it. At times I thought if my parents were out of the way it would be so much easier. How wrong I was! And how glad I am that they were there to save me from myself! Without their prayers, leadership and forgiveness I could have really ruined my life.
My grandmothers also greatly influenced my decisions. They’d both been left by their husbands and had a lot of wisdom for me. They cautioned me in regards to the guy I liked as they'd noticed things about him that bothered them. He reminded them of the negative traits they'd see in their ex-husbands.

Not every girl has a father and a mother who are willing to take the time to protect their daughters and insist young men seek after us ladies by means of courtship, but if you have parents who want to do this for you, take advantage of it! And if you don’t, seek Godly parents in the Lord to help you!! Later when my future husband, Jeff, started communicating with me through Facebook Messenger I came to them right away and had them read all of our messages.  Even though I felt much older and wiser I didn’t want to make the same mistakes I did the previously. I knew I could still be deceived.

By the time I began getting to know Jeff I knew I wanted my family and friends involved in my choice of a husband. I made sure to get my parents input and made them read all of my correspondences with Jeff. I knew the temptation was to believe that as a much wiser 25 year old, my parent’s input was unnecessary. But I knew that God put my parents there for my protection, EVEN at the age of 25. It was a relief to turn things over to God and to my family and go into our relationship knowing that it might not work out. I was okay with that because now I was able to trust God with my future and trust my parents with my heart.

In every stage of life God has provided a woman with protection and an authority over her. Parents, husbands, and even widows have protection through the men of the church and other Godly church family. (1 Tim 5) Occasionally a young woman’s parents are wrongly controlling and abusive or alternatively they are absent and uninvolved. In such case a young woman cannot rely on her parents to advise and direct her. The temptation in such cases is for a woman to feel like she can make her own decisions but this is very dangerous. In such situations it is important to seek godly, married and/or older women in the church to direct and council you. Not women who tell you what you want to hear but who can be honest and direct with you.

6 Misconceptions I Had About Courtship & Marriage

*the following is adapted from the "Redirected Relationships" presentation given at the Encouraging Young Ladies Retreat. 

Satan has a lot of ways to deceive us from the simple truths we have in Christ. Don’t let these misconceptions fool you the way they fooled me. 

Misconception #1
A courtship protects you from getting hurt.
While it would be nice if this were the case, it is an unrealistic expectation. Courtship started becoming more popular with Joshua Harris’ book, “I kissed dating goodbye”.  While his principles worked for some people there are a lot of bitter ex-courtiers now who’d like to throw the baby out with the bathwater. The principles of courtship are the best out there for conducting a relationship between a man and a woman looking to get married. We just need to acknowledge that we are still flawed human beings living in a flawed world and even courtship can have its problems. Most gals I know who’ve experienced “redirected relationships” have had a rough time getting over the relationship. Even if you don’t give away your heart and you conduct yourself in the best possible way you are putting yourself out there and being vulnerable to an extent. It hurts when it doesn’t work out, even if things end cordially or by your choosing. One week people are congratulating you on being in a relationship and the next you’re having to explain that things didn’t work out. It is a very humbling thing to have a relationship that doesn’t end in marriage.

Misconception #2
A courtship is supposed to end in marriage.
We’re correctly taught that each time you’re in a relationship you give away a piece of your heart. Because of this I wanted my first relationship to be my ONLY relationship. I am really happy for those people who marry the first person they get to know, but I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better when your first relationship isn’t the ONLY relationship. There was another young man who was interested in me for quite some time and who was a good guy in every way. My friends liked him, my parents thought he was great, but I just didn’t feel like he was right for me. It can be hard to end this kind of friendship/relationship when you feel like you have no good reason to, but you should NOT feel guilty to end a courtship even if you don’t have a “valid reason”. You are the one who will live with your decision, not your parents or anyone else! 

Misconception #3
You can be in a courtship and keep a clear head & heart without getting your feelings involved.
It’s easy to believe that you’re thinking straight and that you can make decisions on your own. I used to think that guarding your heart meant you don’t entertain any feelings or thoughts for a guy. It is good and right to try to guard your heart but it is impossible to put aside feelings that come naturally. God created us to be emotional and physical beings and I’ve never met anyone who was capable of removing all emotion from the courtship process. I learned that instead of getting down on yourself for having feelings, it is better to learn to acknowledge your feelings. Write them down or share them with your parents. This can allow you to also focus on the more logical side of a situation. In my second courtship I certainly had feelings for my future husband…. But at the same time I maintained a stronger desire to be logical, to do things right and know things might not go as I desired.
That being said when I was younger I hadn’t learned to be logical. I doomed myself to some miserable years and bad decisions. It’s really important to not allow yourself to get infatuated or to dwell on any certain guy inappropriately. Had I not already placed myself in a vulnerable emotional state maybe I would have been more objective and heeded the wise advice I received right away.

Misconception #4
If you’re not married before you’re 20 you’re an old maid.
I definitely felt this need to get married young. You obey God, you honor your parents, and you get married and raise babies. Conservative Christian and homeschool culture made marrying young feel like the norm and to me it was the pinnacle of success. As I’d watched so many friends find their soul mate and begin their lives and I wanted that as well. Though the desire to be married was good and natural, it came from a place of pride in my heart.  God worked on my heart to teach me that there is more to life. Looking back I’m extremely thankful for my single years. They weren’t the curse I thought they were. Take advantage of your single years! They are a HUGE blessing. Use this time to study God’s word and learn as much as you can. You may not have time like you do now when you become a wife and mother! There's a real lack of time and ability to study God’s word once you have kids. Think about every year you’re single as an opportunity to soak in the Word of God and store it away in your mind so that later you can pass it on to your children. 1 Cor. 7:34 says, “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” While this verse doesn’t directly talk about raising kids I think it applies to mom life and as well as being a married woman.

Misconception #5
The mistakes that happen to other people won’t happen to you.
Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” I started out in my first courtship with the best intentions only to find myself in situations I came to regret. Whether it’s giving yourself to a guy emotionally, perhaps giving yourself to him spiritually when that’s not his place as your spiritual authority, or even as far entering a physical relationship, be it something as simple as holding hands or kissing, to sleeping with a guy… it is never to late to do the right thing. One friend said that she’s heard girls say, “I’ve slept with him, now I have to stay with him.” This kind of thinking is a lie from Satan. Satan wants us to believe that we’re marred, we’re ruined, and we aren’t worthy. He’ll use any mistake we make to bring us down. I learned that it’s best to learn your lesson, remember who your heavenly Father is and have a battle plan so next time you don’t fall into temptation. Don’t let it control you or keep you from trying to do the right thing the next time around. It’s never too late to do the right thing.

Misconception #6
You’re incomplete and your life doesn’t begin till you find that significant other.
Another deception was that influenced me was that you don’t really begin your life and fulfill your true purpose until you find that person that completes you. It was a belief that I was incomplete until I was married. Not true. It was a freeing moment when I learned God has created each of us in His imaged. In Colossians 2:10 it says, “Ye are complete in Him…” The only thing that makes a human incomplete is the lack of having a quickened spirit and being saved in Christ. Once we have that relationship and union with God we are set…  Marriage is a wonderful, additional stage in life but it's not the be-all-and-end-all.


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EYLR Follow-Up

Hello, to the gals from the Encouraging Young Ladies Retreat!
 
It was such a privilege to share with you on Saturday morning. I was very honored to speak to you all on my "redirected relationship" experiences and I hope it was helpful information. I was very edified to spend the morning in your company and I was inspired by you all. I wish I could have gotten to know each one of you... but hey! Maybe I'll get to meet you someday at one of the Forster's retreats for married ladies.

I'd like to post the rest of the misconceptions and red flags I wasn't able to cover during my presentation on Saturday. I'm going to do a series of posts because no one wants to wade through a super long post.  So keep checking my blog through the month of February. I'm not sure when I'll stop posting but I'll let you know when I get done sharing all of the information I have for you.
Please feel free to comment to say hi or even share some of your own thoughts or experiences. I'd love to hear from you!

May God bless you and may the fellowship and wisdom you enjoyed at the retreat last with you throughout the year!

-Mary Ellen

Sad News, New York

Would you consider abortion in any of the following four situations?

1. There's a preacher and his wife who are very, very, poor. They already have 14 children. Now she learns that she's pregnant with the 15th. They are living in poverty. Due to their poverty, would you recommend she get an abortion?

2. The father is sick with syphilis, the mother has TB. They have four children. The first is blind, the second is deaf, the third is deaf and the fourth has TB. She finds she's pregnant again. Would you recommend an abortion?

3. A white man raped a 13-year-old black girl and she got pregnant. If you were her parents, would you consider abortion?

4. A teenage girl is pregnant. She is not married. Her fiancé is not the father of the baby, and he is very upset. Would you consider abortion?

If you had recommended abortion, what would have been the results?

1. In the first case, you would have killed John Wesley, one of the great evangelists of the nineteenth century.

2. In the second case, you'd have killed Beethoven.

3. In the third case, you would have killed Ethel Waters, the great black gospel singer who sang with the Billy Graham crusades.

4. If you said yes to the fourth case, you would have sanctioned the murder of Jesus Christ!

God has a special plan for each person no matter the circumstances of how they were conceived. He has a way of turning something that seems terrible into something beautiful.

Shared from a friend. Pass it along. ❤️

Stop The Sex Addiction Epidemic

It's amazing how fast life can change and grow into beautiful things. God is always faithful to us in every season of life. Even the hard ones. Which reminds me of a close family member who is having a hard time being faithful to his family. It seems that Satan has a mighty plan to destroy him and his family. Yet, I pray that God finds a crack in his stony heart and that love for truth and righteousness will grow in him once more. It seems that the Devil has bound his heart in sexual addiction among other issues. The more I learn of the topic the more I've come to realize that sexual addiction is extremely prevalent in our culture. With the internet providing explicit content instantly to the curious viewer it's no wonder that more and more souls are losing their lives to the secret life of sexual issues. It makes me so sad and heavyhearted. Everyone is at risk... the young, the old, men and woman alike. The only way to break this cycle of abuse is by bringing it to light and helping people become aware of the problems and how they can find a path to recovery.
My sister-in-law had my family watch this video and it was really fascinating. Super sad in the statistics but hopeful in that there's way for people to get help. I could only find the interview in small segments when I searched for it to share on my blog  but you can watch the whole interview by clicking this link:
Dr. Patrick Carnes, Leading Sex Addiction Expert, Video Interview

Congratulations Courtney and Kyle!!!

January is here without it's usual frosty ways. Just a week or so ago it was so warm that the family was out doors cleaning the lawn and the farm with nothing more than a light spring jacket! There's barely snow on the ground, just patches of ice from the rainy, misty days and a few mounds of snow from December. A very unusual January, indeed.

Just yesterday Jeff and I received the most wonderful phone call. My dear friend Courtney is engaged to be married to her now-fiance Kyle! We just spent this past weekend with them and it was so nice to see how well suited they were for each other. We'd only met Kyle once before exactly a year ago at a New Year's party and they were "just friends" at the time. My heart is overflowing with joy for them and I look forward to see what more God has in store for them as they build a life together!

It's also Courtney's birthday today! 26 years! We'll be the same age for less than a week. She's such a great friend and has stuck by me through the seasons of life! I'm thankful to God for her.