Child Sexual Abuse

This is the most recent article I've written for a local newspaper. It's such an important and ignored topic. I hope this article encourages more discussion and effort towards preventing and stopping child sexual abuse.

Why Parents Should Be Brave
Five steps for dealing with child sexual abuse

Last month, a sting operation was conducted in Eau Claire, WI in which 8 men were arrested for soliciting children for sex via online avenues. Stories like this make the news for one day and dissipate as quickly as they come to our attention. Yet, 1 in 10 children are abused before the age of 18, so why is the issue of protecting the innocent from abuse such an ignored topic? While there are efforts being made to raise awareness and prevent this violence, sexual abuse is still grossly under-reported. There are plenty of sources that help to educate children and parents on avoiding predators and sexual abuse. However, predators often do much damage before they are detected. The question we are afraid to ask is not 'how do we prevent our children from being harmed?' but rather, 'what should we do if and when they are?'

1. Believe and protect your child.
Only 4 to 8 % of child sexual abuse reports are suspected to be false and of the children who are abused, 60% never tell anyone. While it's true that children of single parents or adolescents from broken homes are more likely to be candidates for abuse, it doesn't mean sexual abuse can't happen in healthy, happy homes. One of my friends from a stable family talked of the kid who started out as a best friend and became an abusive enemy. This friend said he was abused from age 6 to 10, before he went to his parents for help. A parent of a victim gave me this advice, “If the problem is at school, your child stays home. If the offending party is a relative, you don't go to family gatherings. You remove your child from anywhere the offender might be.”

2. Getting past your pride.

If a child has been abused while under your supervision, you may feel guilty for failing to protect your child. Shame comes from knowing that you let the wolf into your safe-zone and left your child vulnerable. Pride comes into play as we try to protect our reputation and the image of a perfect family. Guardians are mortified that abuse has occurred under their watch and in many cases a child's pleas for help are often ignored by parents who would rather live in ignorance. Please, do not be one of those parents who allows abuse to go on because stopping it would make you or someone you know feel uncomfortable!

3. Nobody is above justice.

The last thing a parent wants to do is call the police, create a wave of scandal, and press charges against someone that they cannot actually prove has done anything wrong. Still, the best thing you can do for your child is expose the perpetrator and ensure that every effort has been made to achieve justice. It should be noted that if a person aids or abets a crime they are usually considered just as responsible as the actual offender in a court of law. Do not be a party to another person's crime. If an offender is a spouse, child, relative or someone you care about you can aid them by making sure they get proper help and cannot hurt anyone again, even if this means they'll serve time in a correctional facility. Whether or not justice can be attained, taking this step will give your child the confidence of knowing that you care. 

4. Utilize your soapbox.

We live in a society where people don't want to rock the boat. Yet, the people who molest children are successful because they're confident that none of their victims will reveal their wickedness. Some parents hide under the illusion that they don't want to make their child feel any more uncomfortable by telling the world of his or her wounds, but in reality secrecy only protects our egos. The male friend, whom I mentioned above, told me that his parents notified the police of the situation, however as the abuser was just under 12 years of age, they could not prosecute. The victim's parents took steps to warn other families who associated with the offender's family. The best way to hinder a pervert is to inform those who will listen of the perpetrator's behavior. Alerting others has the potential to save other families and children from going through similar trauma.

5. Seek professional help.

One victim told me that he was better off than many of his acquaintances who'd been molested, because his abuse hadn't been kept a secret. His immediate family, extended relatives, and friends knew of his abuse. It wasn't comfortable having his injury be made public but because people knew what he'd gone through he didn't feel isolated or abandoned. Children need to know that they don't have to go through hardship alone. They need support, council and guardians who will do everything in their power to take down the perpetrators. It is important to know that most victims of sexual abuse during adolescence do not become abusers. Though for many, being sexually abused is the start to a lifelong spiral into the darkest nightmare imaginable. For these reasons it is often wise to seek out professional counsel for yourself and your child. If a child has been sexually abused it is best to contact social services and the police.

Dealing with child sexual abuse is a heavy matter that takes careful consideration and diligent pursuit of the facts. No journey is identical, other than the end goal of healing and recovery for the abused. Some people use their scars to help others to bandage their wounds and heal their hurt. Over all we discover that others have shared our sorrows and if we stand together, we don't have to let our past dictate our future.

Statistics in this article are taken from www.d2l.org. Darkness to Light is a well-cited website and an organization created for the recovery, prevention and awareness of child sexual abuse.

For 24/7 confidential support, contact an abuse hotline:
-USA National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
-RAINN: Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673
-Crisis Text Line: text 741741