It seems that there must come a time in everyone's life for their loved one's to begin departing from them. Thus, leaving us deprived of all but the memories they left behind. I knew my mom's dad wasn't in the best of health. He'd been residing in Mexico for the past two years because there were some promising or at least comforting alternative medical treatments for his ailments. At first he and his wife would return from the warm, balmy region with stories of how lovely it is down in Mexico where they were staying. They'd try to lure us down for a visit. Then it was just my grandpa's wife who'd come up; the trip was too difficult for my granddad. I suppose I knew at this point that he wasn't going to be around forever but I was very hopeful he'd hold out a bit longer.
Grandpa and his wife had offered to fly my brother and I down to visit. I should have gone. It was all the silly little life things that prevented me. Needed to work, wanting to wait till I had enough money, waiting to get a passport, waiting till I could travel with someone because of my fear of traveling alone. All these little things.....
And so I heard of my grandpa's death this past month with great sadness. He was gone and I'd never be able to hear his laugh again, have a conversation with him again, or scroll through his many photos with him again. My heart is sad at his going.
I learned many things from him. In one large sense, I learned what NOT to do, since he left his wife and children to pursue his own selfish interests. But when he came back into his kid's lives I was about 14. Young enough to still have a lot of love for someone just because their name was "grandpa", in spite of them not having been a grandpa in my childhood years.
He taught me photography lessons, like how to organize files of pictures so I could find them later. He taught me how to take pictures in different ways and encouraged my creative talents. He payed for piano lessons in high school. He gifted me with his impressive Canon Mark II 5D when it became too heavy for him to lug around. I remember my amazement that he would give such an expensive gift to me and driving around in my cheap Honda taking photos of the countryside with the realization that the camera was worth way more than my car and I had no business driving it around in such a vessel. I think my granddad had hopes I would go on to college and become something splendid. Yet, in spite of the fact that I never went on to college and haven't really developed any one particular skill beyond amateur level he still loved me and encouraged me and thought the world of me. Or at least that's the impression I always got from him.
He'd always point out that we were fellow Aquarians and I suppose this was a bonding point. Then later when I became interested in learning about personality I discovered that he was an INFP and I was an ENFP.... which also made us pretty similar and was another bonding point. When I first was getting to know granddad and still new nothing about myself he sized me up one time. He said, "Mary Ellen, I can tell you hold your cards close". It made me feel a little uncomfortable that he had me figured out that easily.... because I've always been the type that has trouble opening up my most deep parts of myself. I'm extraordinary friendly and jovial with everyone and I make friends easily. I'm good at drawing other people out, but I suppose half of that is done so that I don't have to open up about myself. So after that statement I always felt my grandpa understood me.
It was sad that family relations were strained because he left them to fend for themselves when his children were still quite young. In fact my mom was 14 when he left. The same age I was when he came back. I wonder what life would have been like had he stayed. Yet, I'll choose to learn from the lessons he left behind and be thankful for the good things and memories he made with me.
Oh, one more thing. Calling someone "grandpa" always felt the most natural to me although there are many variations of the term out there. However, he always addressed himself as "Granddad" and so I finally adopted the term for him and it'll always have a more special meaning.
