The Problem With Facebook

The problem with...

. . .

...or should I say, problems? For there are several.
(to paraphrase Mr. Collins from Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice)

I remember when MySpace was the big social networking site, though I never had one. I remember when all my friends had blogs too. Then one year Facebook came sweeping in. MySpace suddenly became a thing of the past. Blogging dwindled. IMing on your email became unnecessary. ...in fact, emailing itself was like posting an add in the newspaper instead of on Craigslist. Almost old-fashioned.
I was at a sleepover with some friends when they convinced me to sign up and create an account. That was in 2007. Facebook was originally created for college students at Harvard University and was officially open to the public in 2006, so I've been a member for just about as long as a person could be a member. This also means I've spent a lot of my time frequenting Facebook.

(by the way, as you read you will see sections of green colored words. They are links to articles or video clips and if you click on them they will help you further understand the topic.)

Time Well Wasted.

If the TV and radio aren't bad enough we now have instant access to a world of entertainment through various devices of our choosing. If you have a smart phone you're always a few buttons or clicks away from easy gratification. Through the years there has been a myriad of ways you can enjoy yourself on Facebook. There have been poke wars, quizzes, all sorts of game apps such as Farmville and Mafia Wars, liking, sharing, commenting, browsing, "stalking," posts about the food you ate, or what you did during the day, emoticons :), acronyms such as lol, idk, g2g and ttyl, changing your profile picture and updating your cover photo  ...just to name a few of Facebook's many pleasures. That's not to mention the number of times Facebook has changed their website by upgrading the look and layout of things. I personally think that this in itself is a tactic to keep users from getting too comfortable and therefore bored. It's no wonder that there is a growing number of people who have short attention spans and ADD. When you ask yourself, "In the course of a lifetime what does it matter?" and the answer is that is really doesn't matter, isn't it simply a waste of your time?

What John Tesh Said.
When the barn door is opened up all the way I can get the John Tesh Radio Show in on a local station. I always enjoy hearing his little tips on life. I wasn't surprised when I heard that 1 out of 3 Facebook users often get offline feeling less satisfied than when they got on. That is because people usually put their best foot forward or exaggerate things to make their life sound more wonderful than it really is. I know I was usually guilty of only posting positive things, and though I didn't exaggerate about my life being so great I wouldn't be surprised if people got that impression or went away feeling like their lives were less wonderful because I rarely posted about the negative side of life. Dissatisfaction is a downward spiral and communication is so easy that facebook/social networking can open up a can of worms for someone seeking fulfillment by starting or finding a better relationship than the one they are in. So suddenly, because it's just Facebook it is acceptable to be connected to a co-worker or friend of the opposite sex, or an old boyfriend/girlfriend, comment and like their stuff and so-on, and be in regular/casual communication with them?. Not surprisingly,  80% percent of breakups and 1 in 3 divorces can be traced back to or associated with social networking.
On top of all that... the more friends you have on facebook the more likely it'll be stressful if you'd like to avoid offending people. But more on that later...

Self Esteem.
There is, to a certain element, a totum pole on facebook. Somewhere along the way facebook became more of a caste system. If you are really cool or popular you may get  20 to 50 + likes and a whole bunch of comments on a status, pictures or other various posts. If you are a lame duck you're lucky to get one like. This may also depend on how many friends you have. I knew people who had around 3,000 "friends"  and if you didn't have enough friends facebook would suggest people "you may know" so that you could improve your social standing. The more the merrier.

The Butterfly Effect.
I've heard that a little butterfly flapping it's wings can cause a hurricane on the other side of the world.  This is certainly a good analogy for what happens in the virtual world. Here one day, in someone's news feed in China tomorrow. Everything you do or say can be seen by everyone you know (with the exception of private messages). Then everyone can pass on what you did with their everyone's... and so on and so forth. That isn't considering the fact that facebook will sometimes feed you "news" of a friend's comments and likes on any of their friend's walls. Talk about too much information!
Hey, though. Start a group, go on strike, boycott, spread the good news... etc. If you have something real to share with people, or your kids have facebook and you want to keep track of what's going on in their life, or if you have a business and want free advertising.... by all means use Facebook.

Reforming the Dictionary.
Since when in the course of history could you decided to "friend" someone? That's not even a correct term, is it? It would be more correct to call it "befriending" or "becoming friends with" someone. Can you imagine what someone would have thought if you told of a wall post? The would probably ask you what you were going to hang on it. Ah yes! We now have new words and phrases to add to the dictionary. "Friending," "unfriending," "posting on a wall" and so-on.

What facebook users think 'unfriend' means: "v. To remove a person from your friends list."
What the real definition is: " n. 1. One not a friend; an enemy."
What facebook users think 'unfriended' means: "When one person is removed from another person's friend list."
What the real definition is: "Having no friends."
What facebook users think "unlike" means, "to click the 'like' button after you have already clicked it."

...I could probably dream up another 10 examples but I think the point has been made. I won't even get into how young people can hardly spell anymore because they spend most of their time communicating with abbreviations, shortcuts and misspellings.

Dunzo.
Tom: "Meeting in one hour. Don't make it? ...you're on my dunzo list."
Ben: *rolls eyes* "Oh. What's a dunzo list?"
Tom: "You and I? Dunzo. Hangin' out, gettin' food together? Dunzo. You wanna come over to my house and play video games? Dunzo. ""Hey Tom, you wanna come play putt-putt with me?!"" No. We're Dunzo."

It is not wholly new, the concept of removing a person as a friend. I'm sure the rich and royal folks could afford to dislike and shun whomever they please. Such behavior is quite common among youth as well. You can just imagine the elite clique in High School snubbing some unworthy classmate. Still, it seems to me that deleting a "friend" on Facebook has taken friend-removal to new heights. On facebook you have the ability to remove one of your "friends" with one click of your mouse. No discomfort. No contact necessary. Even in royal or High School scenarios it seems there would have to be contact. A brief letter, an uncomfortable meeting, phone call, or something of the sort.
But we've moved beyond playing royalty, for now people are gods of their own profile. Once someone has annoyed you or displeased you it's o.k. to remove them from your account. There is no love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. (Galatians 5:22-23)
Now don't get me wrong. There are times to remove someone from your social networking site, but in the number of years that I've had facebook I could probably count on my hands the people I've removed. I think I am a bit unusual in that I never had a friends-list-gutting-day. I remember being disgusted by reading a person's status update that said they'd just done "Spring cleaning" and if you were still their friend you were one of the lucky ones. That just didn't sit well with me. After that I'd always wonder if I was going to be axed the next time around.

I am quite sure that when I deactivated my account there were people who wondered if I'd deleted/blocked them, because I would have thought the same thing. It's quite an awkward situation but I can't exactly post a status update letting everyone know that I got rid of facebook. (Unfortunately, that would have been one of my best status updates too!!! Shucks!!)
It's amazing how many people you have as facebook friends that you have only met once, haven't talked to in years or don't even know. I can't blame people for thinning the forest occasionally.... but for Pete's sake, please don't announce it to the world. There should be no cause for offense. It's a just a social networking site after all. Why should it have that much sway in real life anyway? Being friended, unfriended... whether someone liked something or not....  Seriously, folks. Let's not lose our heads.

Facebook Official.
Since when did things have to be "facebook official" to be official? If you get a boyfriend/girlfriend you have to update your facebook... otherwise it's not official. Are you pregnant? Make sure it's on facebook. Got married? Pause the ceremony and update your facebook!!!!

Not that it isn't convenient to spread the news on facebook. Sometimes it's the fastest form of communication. People don't always get text messages right away... or they might not answer a phone call, but everyone checks their facebook notifications! 
If you want the word to get out by all means post a status update! ...but a good old phone call or face-to-face chat would be nice once-in-a-while.
It's not really that scary to talk to a person. ...is it?


Pros.

It would be dishonest to say that I haven't enjoy facebook. It wouldn't be true to say that there was nothing useful about it either. I loved the pictures. Pictures of friends, relatives, vacations, randomness..... It was especially nice to see pictures of long distance relatives. Some of my friends are awesome photographers and artists and I always looked forward to their artwork updates. The comical status updates were my favorite! Communication was usually instantaneous and very convenient as I've already stated. If you wanted to know about a party, or invite everyone to a group event the easiest way to get the word out was on facebook. If you needed to talk to someone writing on their wall or sending them a message was done with extraordinary ease. It was fun to keep in touch with and hear from friends, and I'll definitely miss that aspect. I couldn't have stayed on there for so long if it hadn't been enjoyable. There is just a fine line between pleasure and productivity.

Profiling.
My absolute, most favorite part of facebook was what my brother and I call "profiling." Most of my years on facebook were spent "stalking" (which is what a lot of users call checking out another user ...Since it feels so odd to have so much information about someone without even asking for it directly or having a face-to-face conversation). Stalking was usually a waste of time though. Collecting useless facts about a person, or "following" their everyday life details usually amounted to little help in getting to know a person's real character.

(A very funny song by Eric Hutchinson about the awkward moments that happen on Facebook!!)

Then I read Malcolm Gladwell's book, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. It introduced the idea that you could actually judge a book by it's cover, follow your gut instinct, or look at a person's bedroom and that you've never met and come up with a very accurate assessment of their personality/character. A person, in their bedroom, will exhibit their behaviors openly because it is a protected and private space. Interestingly enough people view their facebook profile as a relatively safe and secure place.  ...quite like their bedroom.

It seems that Facebook is fueled by pride, vanity and flattery. They have you create a profile, where you can display your favorite things. What are your interests? Your favorite sports teams? Favorite movies, games, influential people, songs, musicians??? Most people readily oblige and provide ample amounts of information on themselves. I can only assume that pride is the driving force since it is the greatest human weakness.
This weakness, however, presented a great opportunity.
I discovered that I could usually have a pretty good understanding of a person's character and personality by browsing their profile for 5 minutes. A work résumé isn't half as informative as your facebook profile. It is no wonder that a lot of employers will look someone up on facebook before hiring them. Also, sometimes it's not about looking at what the person put on their profile but what they didn't put up. It's kind of like Sherlock Holmes' "The Dog That Didn't Bark" idea.

Profiling didn't mean I'd suddenly know everything about a person. I wouldn't know about their pains, joys, triumphs and struggles... the real depths of what made them who they are. But it was a good foundation for creating greater understanding and better relations.
There is a wealth of information boiled down in a few simple Facebook categories. Malcolm Gladwell calls it "thin slicing." ...and gee, you really can tell if the whole pie is going to taste good by eating one little sliver.

It's All About Attitude.
It took me a while to figure out why I suddenly decided to get rid of my Facebook account. It was a huge change. A huge amount of my time had been spent there and I had so many reasons to stay on. ...but that was just it: Something changed when I went from trying to convince myself that I should get off Facebook to trying to convince myself that should stay on.
One day I saw myself, twenty years from now, still checking facebook and updating my status ...and the image scared me! I really enjoy that there are a lot of adult facebook users but as of now those adult facebook users haven't been on facebook for a decade or more, whereas this could have been a real possibility for me. I decided I didn't want to be a 40-years-old-and-still-addicted-to-facebook sort of person. Even now I have siblings expecting children in June/July of this year and it's tempting to stay on facebook so that I can share pictures when the new additions to the family arrive. ...and after that it'll be another big event like a wedding ...my own children... and their weddings ...their children. Where does it end?!
There are seasons for everything and maybe one of these days I'll get back on facebook and use a little more self-control and waste less time, but today is definitely not that day.

What It All Comes Down To.
In spite of the fun to be had on Facebook, I'd had enough of it. Facebook upgraded it's site for the bazillionth time and it was just icing on the cake. I didn't feel like transitioning to a new setup again. I was sick of all of the endless nothingness. Staying on to express yourself or present your opinion to your friends was pointless because people will scroll past something if they are uninterested. Someone was always looking to pick a fight. Someone was always looking to heal the wounds. The drama was unending. The pictures of food just made me hungry... and I'd be better off in the kitchen making my own real food. I didn't need to have a community of family and friends online because I already have a great group of real, live people to connect with. I don't need to worry about keeping up both of my faces.... the real one is trouble enough, who needs to worry about a whole book for your face?! And if someone wants to know something about me, they're just going to have to ask me in person or in a form of communication other than poking, posting and liking.

I'm not trying to advocate a mass deactivation of facebook accounts worldwide. I'm just exposing some of the things I've found to be problems during the time I've used the system.
But I do gotta say, getting off facebook....?

It's a breath of fresh air, folks. It's like a small trip to a warm, sunny island. I'm basking in the freedom.

(don't take the above blurb too personally. It's supposed to be funny.) ...lol