Wisconsin Poem

We all live on a back 40
And wake up at the crack of dawn
Most all of us could drive tractor
Since we had diapers on

Every kid who’s grown up ‘round here
Knows how to milk a cow
A when it comes to treatin’ mastitis and milk fevers
We don’t call a vet, ‘cause we know how

We raise soy beans and green beans
We eat black beans on rice
We like huntin’ and fishin’
Way back in the pines

My friend Tim is a pro-fisherman
Or at least that’s what he wants to be
Uncle David’s up and started
A microbrewery

Aunt Karla’s a social worker
And has four kids homeschooled
My mom has every job under the sun
She’s a teacher, a house keeper and a chauffer

My daddy is a farmer
He’s living his life-long dream
He works hard outside all day
And at night has a bowl of ice cream

If you’re the drinkin’ type
Then this is the place for you
‘cause just ‘round every corner in town
You’ll find a bar (or two)

You won’t feel alone here
When it comes to politics
We’ve got the rights, the lefts,
And confused out here in the sticks

We sure have style
We also have class
We serve the world’s best cheese on our crackers
And homemade wine in your glass

Now if the things that you’re readin’
Are scarin’ you half to death
Don’t get preachy on me
‘cause I’ll teach you ‘bout the 5th

If you want me to hear your side
I’ll listen up and sit real still
But just you remember
I still have my story as well

With these low milk prices
A man can barely keep the family fed
And when it comes to grain prices
There’s more to be said

Here in the country we have little need
For inflated dollar$ and cents
I’ll trade you composted manure
For some of your sweet, banana bread

My home town is bustlin’
Population: 1669
We’ve got the nationally-known Norske Nook
They’re famous for their pies

Out here in the country
You sure can see the stars
But the best part is hearin’
The coyotes howlin’ from not too far

Sure we get carried away
And get a bit rough
But just like it says on that penny
It’s in God that we put our trust

When it comes to sports
We’re die-hard fans
You may even catch some of us prayin’
“Dear God, please let the Packers win!”

When it comes to the Vikings
...well I just won't go there
Everyone already knows who's best,
Rubbin' it in just wouldn't be fair

The weather is exciting here
On any given day
It can be 80 in the sunshine
And snowing in the shade

90 degrees is boilin’ for us
We’ll go swimmin’ at 50
40 degrees is mighty fine
But we’re used to 30… below zero

Forget Global Warming
What a ridiculous craze
For ¾ of the year
We live in an ice age!

Tsunami’s and hurricane’s the other ¼ of the year
Ain’t a problem for us
We just get a tornado now and then
And an occasional flash flood

Freezin’ cold winter weather
Doesn’t never stop the fun
We have ice fishin’, curlin’ and the favorite
Of course is the Polar Plunge

At the winter Olympics
We’re chaps for sure
‘cause when a winter storm rolls up here
We just ski or luge to work

And the summer Olympics?
We win gold every once in a while
‘cause every country kid can run to town
Which is of course, is a good 5 miles

As for my job, I have two words
Udderly delightful.
This must be the land of milk and honey
They mentioned in the Bible

Around here it ain’t unusual
For a stranger to lend a hand
And everyone will smile and wave
As if you were an old friend

Out here we sure do like our trucks
Ford’s, Dodges and Chevy’s aren’t bad
Not souped-up short-beds for “slickers”
We like our diesels and chrome stacks

At harvest time dinners the best
With homemade apple pies
Produce straight from the garden
And grape juice fresh off the vine

If you’re a loser or a winner
It ain’t gonna matter
If you’re a saint or a sinner
We’ll still have you to dinner

Just last Friday
We had Billy to dinner
Your average uptown boy
He’s straight from some city “innards”

He’s traveled the world
From Greece to the Gulf of Mexico
But it was clear right up front
That he’d never heard farmin’ lingo

‘cause we were talking ‘bout Betty
Who we’d kept as long as we were able
And he asked, “Where is she now?”
I said, “Why, she’s here at the table!”

Then he surveyed the platters
Of carrots, cornbread and steak
And that’s when he realized
Betty was there on his plate!

Billy learned just how often
We farmers thank God for a meal
And sit down to a dinner
Main dish: homegrown steaks or veal

Did I mention my brothers
All write country songs?
On the radio you might hear ‘em
If you’ve got “the B” turned on

We make special cheeses
As I’m sure you have heard
But you can’t die without tryin’
Our fresh, squeaky cheese curds

As for where I live
It’s a better place than the rest
I can tell if I’m dead or alive in this cold
Because I can see my breath

So don’t be afraid to come visit us
We really are nice, friendly folks
If you can get past our looks
You can come on in our home

If you can respect us for who we are
Then you’re very welcome, friend
To come and see the land of cheese
Most commonly known as Wisconsin