What It Means to Be A Person, Part 3

Understanding.... Being understood...
I like how Robert Fulghum puts it,
"Hide-and-seek, grown-up style. Needing to be sought. Confused about being found."

In continuation of my train of blog posts, like What It Means to Be A Person, Part 2.... 

If a friend were to hand me a book and say, "Please, read this book. I'd like for you to understand me better," I would certainly read that book. It is the essence of being human, this desire to understand others and most especially, the desire to be understood. Yet, I suspect there are people who care more about being understood and less about understanding others. It is not always selfishness in the case of these people but maybe just how their personality works and what their interests are. What the ratio of understanding to being understood is in each of us is probably chalked up to how we were raised, what our interests are and what type of personalities we embody.

For me the desire to understand others is top heavy. Not that I don't not want to be understood, but there is something about humans, who they are and how they interact that fascinates me. I want to know about body language, voice inflections and speech patterns. I want to know what they think, why they think it, what their hopes and dreams are and what they're doing to make those dreams a reality. I want to know about their mothers and fathers, their siblings, their friends, their education, their hobbies, their favorite foods and their feelings on politics. I probably come off sounding like an interviewer and I think a lot of people feel uncomfortable when asked a million questions. Questions make us feel vulnerable, especially if we do not know the purpose that the questioner is asking them. It is only over time that I can prove that my questions are 100%, genuine interest.

Perhaps this interest I have in people is due to my personality? I know that Myers-Briggs Typology isn't the be-all and end-all. There are flaws and misgivings about the science behind the psychology. However, I've read up on my personality type and it feels like finally someone understands me. Or perhaps more than being understood, it is the fact that I'm  not the only one with the crazy traits that define me. I'm not the only person who is care free and childish, at the same time as deeply wishing to understand the universe. I'm not alone in my tendency to procrastinate. I'm not the only one who doesn't one to be follow just one profession, but many chase many interests. There are other like me in the world, and I'm not crazy for being who I am... in spite of the many folks who disapprove of or fear my unconventional ways.

What brings this to my mind in particular is a book I read this Summer titled, The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide, by Heidi Priebe. It made complete sense to me and explained traits that I've felt so overwhelmed by or that have made me feel like an unsuccessful human for possessing. I don't say that in the worst sense, but just the frustration we all feel when we're trying to wade through life with our strengths and weaknesses. The book was an eye opener. It showed me that I'm not alone, there are other people who are just like me, and it showed why I am the person I am. It was easy to read and easy to understand. I found myself laughing with delight because I could relate so much to the author's words!

I generally kept to the privacy of my room while reading, as if to guard a secret. Mostly because I am a private person when it comes to my feelings. In fear that my poor, sensitive self will be hurt I gaurd my feelings at all cost. This is of course something I never realized about myself, and hope to overcome one day.... to be less sensitive and more open.
Anyway, one night I was determined to enjoy the company of my family and sat in the living room with them, while reading this book. My older sister asked what I was reading, and when I told her, her first response was and eye-roll and, "You've got to be kidding me...." She wasn't trying to be mean, but it just struck her as ridiculous that I'd be reading about personality and putting so much interest in the matter. Isn't life about being selfless, after all? I understand her thoughts on the matter but if we cannot understand our own feelings and thoughts how are we ever to get along with others? How are we to mature and grow? If we cannot understand how we are different from other people how are we supposed to appreciate others for their differences?

My mother comes to mind. She and I are very different. We're both extroverted and strong-willed, but lets just say she's the type of person that prepares, plans and is precise. Whereas I am the type of person that procrastinates, is spontaneous and go-with-the-flow. Granted we are not always such extreme opposites, but when we have contrary opinions it generally makes for a mini war. For many years I never knew why we disagreed on so many stupid, little, unimportant things. Then I learned about typology and discovered that more often that not, we are coming to the same conclusions from different perspectives. I learned that I we can see the other's viewpoint we can then compromise or try to relate, or perhaps stand our ground to the death.  But it doesn't have to be a mess of confusion.

It seems that what Paul the Apostle write in Romans 12:3-4 relates to the matter,
For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:

As I've stated before and will state again, personality stuff isn't the most important thing in the world. It's good to stay open and not let these things dictate your view of others. But if it offers a few helpful hints along the bumpy roads of life, then it's worth giving a chance.