Why I Am Still Single

It was my older sister who first told me that I should read an article that I had seen floating around on my Facebook home page. I hadn't exactly felt like reading it each time I'd noticed it, mostly because I was tired of hearing how wrong I was in doing things differently from the rest of the world. However, my sister, who was happily married after going through a courtship process, was telling me that this blog post on why courtship is fundamentally flawed was worth at least considering.

I opened it up and read the first few paragraphs about dating, was somehow distracted away, and then never finished reading the post.
It wasn't until a fellow whom I had only been around twice, and had never even talked to (but who hung out with a group a nice Christian friends people who I did know), added me as a friend on Facebook and said he'd like hanging out because I seemed nice and different. Now there's nothing so terrible about this until you understand that this guy had no idea about courtship... in fact, to him, hanging out at his apartment (shared with 3 other guys), seemed to him like going above and beyond the call of duty, since it was a group setting. However, to someone raised in a conservative, courtship-minded world, that seemed like quite a compromise to say the least. Chaperones, family approval, plenty of getting to know each other in appropriate/approved settings, serious questions, serious intentions... serious plans. Always beginning with the end in mind.

Don't get me wrong... it's not that I don't still think courtship has a number of good elements. In fact if I had to choose between the dating and courting I'd go with the latter because of the possibility for a lack of intention and maturity in the prior option. But... somewhere between liberal dating and conservative courting there seems to be a missing link.

The point with this friendly stranger was that I had no way of getting to know him, and really courtship is only designed for people who all ready know each other well enough to form major opinions about, with marriage in mind. How does one get to know a complete stranger without coming in armed and loaded with the heavy response of commitment in a courtship situation? If the only people you can run out and court comfortably are people you already know, and you only know people you can hang out with in group settings... then you are limited to your social circles and maybe a few church conferences from time to time. 

...which is exactly why so many people who've committed to a courtship system are still single. Like me. There are so many fish in the sea but put your hook, line and sinker in a pond and you'll wonder why it's taking so long to catch any fish. ...and then maybe the fish you do eventually catch aren't exactly what you're looking for so you send them back to the water... and wait another 5 or 10 years.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit but sometimes it seems quite a bit like that scenario of fishing in a fish-less fishing hole.

Anyways, back to the guy who wanted to hang out and get to know me...
In desperation, and feeling like I had to defend a complete stranger to my parents... (someone whom I wasn't even sure if I even liked or was interested in) just to get to know him, I told my mom she should check out this article on courtship that my sister had recommended to me. 


So my mom read Thomas Umstattd's article before I did...

...and she liked it.

All of that just to say, I think the points that Thomas Umstattd made in his article, Why Courtship Is Fundamentally Flawed ...and also the Q&A , are worth at least considering.
 
I especially liked his reason number one for why Mr. Umstattd doesn't recommend guys go after "dragon guarded women": 
"Getting parental approval to start makes things too intense too quickly. Getting permission to enter a relationship whose purpose is marriage, before getting to know the girl, is like stepping on the gas while also stepping on the brakes. That is not a healthy way to start a relationship. Better to begin as “just friends” who get coffee or ice cream every now and again. Please read the original post for all of the problems that come from getting too intense too soon. Here is another way to think of it: it’s like trying to bake cookies at 500 degrees. The higher temperature the harder it is to avoid burnt cookies."

Or as Doug Wilson said in his book, "Her Hand In Marriage", "You can't preheat the oven without cooking the roast." 

Exactly, Mr. Umstattd and Mr. Wilson! 
I know that even though my parents didn't put the pressure on me to get it right the first time, I wanted to get married at a young age, start a family with the man of my dreams and enjoy the ups and downs of life with that same man until death parted us. After all a lot of people I knew were doing just that... so the pressure was on. Don't fail. Get it right the first time. If you court and do it God's way things will go well.
Needless to say, that first relationship was half baked before it was even in the oven. And it failed. And I learned a LOT. And here I sit telling you why I'm still single... at the age of 22.

Yes, I know, I'm still quite young. I still have big plans and dreams about marriage. But maybe it's time for a different approach. Not to run and throw the baby out with the bathwater.... but it might be time to re-evaluate the conundrums of the courtship system. 

Anyways, what's the rush? Who's to say....? Maybe singleness isn't so bad after all.