Why Parents Should Be Brave
Five steps for dealing with child sexual abuse
Five steps for dealing with child sexual abuse
Last month, a sting
operation was conducted in Eau Claire, WI in which 8 men were
arrested for soliciting children for sex via online avenues. Stories
like this make the news for one day and dissipate as quickly as they
come to our attention. Yet, 1 in 10
children are abused before the age of 18, so why is the issue
of protecting the innocent from abuse such an ignored topic? While
there are efforts being made to raise awareness and prevent this
violence, sexual abuse is still grossly under-reported. There are
plenty of sources that help to educate children and parents on
avoiding predators and sexual abuse. However, predators often do much
damage before they are detected. The question we are afraid to ask is
not 'how do we prevent our
children from being harmed?' but rather, 'what should we do if and
when they are?'
1. Believe and protect
your child.
Only 4 to 8 % of child sexual abuse reports are suspected to be false and of the children who are abused, 60% never tell anyone. While it's true that children of single parents or adolescents from broken homes are more likely to be candidates for abuse, it doesn't mean sexual abuse can't happen in healthy, happy homes. One of my friends from a stable family talked of the kid who started out as a best friend and became an abusive enemy. This friend said he was abused from age 6 to 10, before he went to his parents for help. A parent of a victim gave me this advice, “If the problem is at school, your child stays home. If the offending party is a relative, you don't go to family gatherings. You remove your child from anywhere the offender might be.”
Only 4 to 8 % of child sexual abuse reports are suspected to be false and of the children who are abused, 60% never tell anyone. While it's true that children of single parents or adolescents from broken homes are more likely to be candidates for abuse, it doesn't mean sexual abuse can't happen in healthy, happy homes. One of my friends from a stable family talked of the kid who started out as a best friend and became an abusive enemy. This friend said he was abused from age 6 to 10, before he went to his parents for help. A parent of a victim gave me this advice, “If the problem is at school, your child stays home. If the offending party is a relative, you don't go to family gatherings. You remove your child from anywhere the offender might be.”
2. Getting past your
pride.
If
a child has been abused while under your supervision, you may feel
guilty
for failing to protect your child. Shame comes from knowing that you
let the wolf into your safe-zone and left your child vulnerable.
Pride comes
into play as we try
to protect our reputation and the image of a perfect family.
Guardians are mortified that abuse has occurred under their watch and
in many cases a child's pleas for help are often
ignored by parents
who would rather live in ignorance. Please, do not be one of those
parents who allows abuse to go on because stopping it would make you
or someone you know feel uncomfortable!
3. Nobody is above justice.
The
last thing a parent wants to do is call the police, create a wave of
scandal, and press charges against someone that they cannot actually
prove has done anything wrong. Still, the best thing you can do for
your child is expose the perpetrator and ensure that every effort has
been made to achieve justice. It
should be noted that if a person aids or abets a crime they are
usually considered just as responsible as the actual offender in a
court of law. Do not be a party to another person's crime. If an
offender is a spouse, child, relative or someone you care about you
can aid them by making sure they get proper help and cannot hurt
anyone again, even if this means they'll serve time in a correctional
facility. Whether or not justice can be attained, taking this step
will give your child the confidence of knowing that you care.
4. Utilize your
soapbox.
We
live in a society where people don't want to rock the boat. Yet, the
people who molest children are successful because they're confident
that none of their victims will reveal their wickedness. Some parents
hide under the illusion that they don't want to make their child feel
any more uncomfortable by telling the world of his or her wounds, but
in reality secrecy only protects our egos.
The male friend, whom I mentioned above, told me that his parents
notified the police of the situation, however as the abuser was just
under 12 years of age, they could not prosecute. The victim's parents
took steps to warn other families who associated with the offender's
family. The best way to hinder a pervert is to inform those who will
listen of the perpetrator's behavior. Alerting others has the
potential to save other families and children from going through
similar trauma.
5. Seek professional
help.
One
victim told me that he was better off than many of his acquaintances
who'd been molested, because his abuse hadn't been kept a secret. His
immediate family, extended relatives, and friends knew of his abuse.
It wasn't comfortable having his injury be made public but because
people knew what he'd gone through he didn't feel isolated or
abandoned. Children need
to know that they
don't have to go through hardship alone. They need support,
council and guardians who will do everything in their power to take
down the perpetrators. It is important to know that most victims of
sexual abuse during adolescence do not become abusers. Though for
many, being sexually abused is the start to a lifelong spiral into
the darkest nightmare imaginable. For these reasons it is often wise
to seek out professional counsel for yourself and your child. If
a child has been sexually abused it is best to contact social
services and the police.
Dealing with child sexual
abuse is a heavy matter that takes careful consideration and diligent
pursuit of the facts. No journey is identical, other than the end
goal of healing and recovery for the abused. Some people use their
scars to help others to bandage their wounds and heal their hurt.
Over all we discover that others have shared our sorrows and if we
stand together, we don't have to let our past dictate our future.
Statistics in this article are taken from www.d2l.org. Darkness to Light is a well-cited website and an organization created for the recovery, prevention and awareness of child sexual abuse.
Statistics in this article are taken from www.d2l.org. Darkness to Light is a well-cited website and an organization created for the recovery, prevention and awareness of child sexual abuse.
