I recently went to a birthday party at which there were a number of lovely, kind, Christian ladies who were all single. We're not talking about 16-19 year old gals. We're talking about 23-28 year old gals. Three sisters in particular caught my attention. They are all smart, beautiful, kind, productive, and seemed to be Godly ladies.
I was just baffled. Why are these really nice girls still unmarried?! It was clear to me that they were interested in finding husbands, so what on earth are the guys doing that they are not interested in pursuing these incredible girls?!
Don't get me wrong. We are all sinners and we all come with our fair share of problems. However most of these women were well trained, homeschooled, brought up in Christian homes, living under their father's protection and aren't sitting around idly waiting for Prince Charming to knock on their door. The chances of them being a better-than-average-catch are high. Where have all of the men gone?!
So I was trying to think of reasons why a fella' wouldn't pursue a nice Christian girl. Are they worried that there is too much protection from fathers? Do they have a fear of rejection? Maybe a low self esteem says they'd never be good enough for such nice girls? Is bachelorhood is better than being tied down to a wife and children?
What is the matter?!
One idea really struck me as interesting:
Have you ever heard of the "messiah syndrome" or "messiah complex"?? It's sort of like the knight in shining armour idea. Some people feel the need to find a mate who needs "saving." A guy likes to come and save the damsel in distress. Maybe it's a big ego builder or maybe it gives the "knight" or "savior" a feeling of worth or purpose. So fellas run out and find women with torn apart lives, evil parents, or ugly situations... battle against the ferocious woes and come out victorious with a glorified wife. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this. In fact there are a lot damsels in distress, so "the more power to ya" should a guy choose to rescue such a woman.
But here's the thing. These nice Christian girls need rescuing too.
Not from evil parents, horrible lives or woes and misfortunes (at least hopefully this isn't the case).
These gals just need to be rescued from singleness, and maybe even from themselves...
1st Timothy 5:14
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1st Timothy 2:15Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
...a woman cannot be saved in childbearing, guide the house, continue in the faith, etc, if she doesn't first marry. And a woman cannot marry if there isn't a man who will leave his father and mother (or his xbox, his bachelor pad, his porn, his college education or whatever the excuse may be).
There's a great quote from the movie Chariots of Fire when Harold M. Abrahams asks Sam Mussabini to coach him:
Harold M. Abrahams: [About Eric Liddel] I've never seen such drive, such devotion in a runner. He runs like a wild animal. He unnerves me.
Sam Mussabini: As well he should. He frightens the living daylights out of me. [chuckles]
Harold M. Abrahams: Yes, well, I want you to help me take him on.
Sam Mussabini: [thinks a moment] Tell me, Mr. Abrahams, are you married?
Harold M. Abrahams: No. Why?
Sam Mussabini: Well, when the right woman comes along, how would you feel if she pops the question? [quiet laugh] Ya'see, Mr. Abrahams, like the bridegroom, it's the coach should do the asking.
Harold M. Abrahams: [very serious] Mr. Mussabini...I can run fast. With your help I believe I can run even faster. I want that Olympic medal. Now I can see it there. It's waiting for me.
But I can't get it on my own.
There are a few things girls do that I could see possibly turning eligible guys off:
-Being too desperate/needy.
What man wants a whiny, clingy girl?
-Being too spiritual.
This seems to be a sketchy reason since it's hard to follow God too much, but I could see a guy being worried about who's going to be the spiritual leader if a woman is a 'spiritual warrior.'
-Being a career woman.
A woman who can take care of herself leaves little room to be cared for by a man. Feminism has really destroyed a lot of the need for a man to be the leader and bread-winner. Still a fella should be careful to not mistake a woman being productive until Prince Charming arrives for a 'career woman.'
There could be other things but I am not a guy and those are the only possibilities I could come up with at the moment.
I simply don't understand why there are so many nice, eligible gals. You can't blame a gal for not being a helpmeet if the guys are too busy being helpless.
Genesis 2:18And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
So while we single ladies wait, watch and wonder... don't be surprised if we also keep busy with work.
1 Corinthians 7:28 and 34-35
But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
---
There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
1st Timothy 4
2nd Timothy 2:15-16 and 22
3 comments:
1 Timothy 2:12
1 Timothy 5:11
Understanding the correct Hebrew context- Wax wanton - Καταστρηνιασωσι· From κατα, intensive, and στρηνιαω, to act in a luxurious or wanton manner. The word is supposed to be derived from στερειν, to remove, and ἡνια, the rein; and is a metaphor taken from a PAMPERED horse, from whose mouth the rein has been removed, so that there is nothing to check or confine him. The metaphor is plain enough, and the application easy.
http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/preparingtobeahelpmeet-com/
I thought of this while reading your post, Mary. There's a link to the original article that inspired these responses, also. I don't really have a point to make, but I was intrigued by two statements - when Shalom mentions that most girls she knew were more interested in getting married than they were in God, and that we (all of us) should be praying that godly men are raised up in this generation and the next.
The first point doesn't mean that the young lady doesn't have a heart for God or is sitting around idly waiting for a husband, but it could mean that in every endeavor she's thinking about whether it would look good on her "wife resume" and possibly attract a guy's interest instead of just seeking God's leading.
The second point interested me because I have heard so much emphasis on raising girls to become help meets and homemakers (Amen! We need them) but very little emphasis on raising boys to become... well, anything. While it's true that a scumbag of a man with a godly wife could end up getting saved and having a great testimony and living for God, how much cooler would it be to see young men raised to be strong in spirit and with a desire to serve God? Not that they would need to become a missionary or preacher, but just real godly men. The kind that would be thanking his lucky stars to find a group of lovely young ladies in need of a husband like you mentioned! :)
Normally I wouldn't presume to say so much, but I am sick and staying on the couch today and am therefore more long winded than usual... Thanks for reading my long comment. I miss you, Mary Ellen!
Hey, it's your brother Daniel... I want to better explain the comment from before.. I was talking about the part of scripture that refers to wantonness. I wasn't trying to say that you are or were under that influence.
I realize after re-reading the comment that it may have come off as a judgement directed at you...I wasn't sure of your thought process through some of your posts, but wanted to encourage that submission to a husband as in the Bible, shouldn't be rejected and doesn't mean that women are lesser at all in God's program..(just as Jesus was not lesser than the Father, but submitted to Him.)
I think Paul's (God's) concern conveyed by the verse is that if it's God's will for a woman to marry(His will for everyone individually is different,) that maybe she shouldn't reject every man that's not "perfect", or exactly what she imagined... sometimes it's better to just get married and allow God to work on the marriage from there.
I love you, and hope that God's will is done in your life:)
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