October Peom

The golden rays dance on sheltering fog so blue,
which frosts the tips of the tassels with dew.
The turning leaves come dancing alive in the light,
as the northerly wind touches cheeks with a bite.
Long, yellow buses stitch their way through the land,
bringing the children to school as planned.
As Summer's withered flora reveals the woodland fawn,
hats and gloves and mittens are donned.
The birds have begun their migration from here,
for the sun gives no heat though the blue sky is clear.

Hello, dear blog!

Here I am, at last, able to blog again. 

Life has been busy, happy and productive these past few months. The wedding happened in July. I met my in-laws who are a fun group of people. I've had the pleasure of being my husband's wife and learning to serve him better each day.  I've put in hours at my job, full of hard work and many moments of hearing a residents sorrow or sharing a smile. My coworkers are wonderful as well. I've started to get a handle on what exactly I need to go grocery shopping for, how to cook for two, keeping the home clean and wisely spending my free time. 

Oh, ...you know, all the little pleasures of life. 

Yet, through all of this I haven't been able to blog. A number of years back google decided to merge accounts on my family's home computer. Somehow my mom's gmail account and password were connected to my blog so it made it difficult for me to sign into my blogger account. However, since I was the only blogger I was rarely logged out and therefore it was never a problem. Now that I have moved out I've tried signing in over and over again without any luck. Finally I've been able to determine the appropriate log-in information from my mom. I can write again! I feel like a bird who's been let out of a cage! 

So for anyone who's assumed that I'd suddenly stopped blogging magically because I became a married woman..... well, I'm still here. Forgive this long absence. I'm glad to be back at it!

One Week

In one week I will marry my love. It seems so natural and right. You hear of 'cold feet', hesitation and doubts and it is all mystifying to me. All I feel is warmth and readiness.
My single years have been full... almost too full. I don't know if I could stuff in any more satisfaction or contentment into the singleness I've experienced. The joy in my life has overflowed... and I suppose that is why it is time to start filling a new cup. Open a new chapter. Stitching the threads of one cloth to another.

Last night one of the other employees where I work told me a story of one of the residents. Apparently this resident, who is a sweet, kissable old woman, was engaged once. In her bedroom there's a picture of herself and her husband when they were first married. She was only 18 or 19.... and he wasn't much older. She'd always smile when she talked about that picture. But what this employee told me surprised me! This elderly woman, in her youth, was engaged to be married when a fellow asked her on a date. He must have been quite the fellow because this gal told him to come back in week and ask her again. She went home and broke things off with her fiance... and married this other guy. It's almost an amusing tale.... seems like something from a movie!

Yesterday, Jeff and I went to the courthouse. We filed for our marriage license. We had to raise our right hands and repeat some words. An oath or vow of some sort. I honestly don't even remember what we said, but it was some sort of official agreement that we were definitely getting married.

It's interesting how each life unfolds and what unexpected events await us. I couldn't have ever guessed that in beautiful July of 2017, I'd be marrying a handsome, intelligent and kind man from Canada. O, life. It is a wonderful, mystic thing.

Born to Fly

Writing that last post caused this song by Sara Evans to pop into my head. It's been the story of my life for the past 25 years, and now these dreams are becoming a reality. It's quite exciting!

I've been tellin' my dreams to the scarecrow
About the places that I'd like to see
I say 'friend, do you think I'll ever get there?'
Aww, but he just stands there smilin' back at me

So I confess my sins to the preacher
About the love I'd been prayin' to find
Is there a brown-eyed boy in my future, yeah
He says 'girl, you got nothin' but time.'

How do you wait for heaven
And who has that much time
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know
That you were born, (you were born, yeah), you were born to fly

My daddy he is grounded like the oak tree
My momma she is as steady as the sun
Oh, you know I love my folks, but I keep starin' down the road,
Just lookin' for my one chance to run

Hey, 'cause I will soar away like the blackbird
I will blow in the wind like a seed
I will plant my heart in the garden of my dreams
And I will grow up where I want, wild and free

How do you wait for heaven
And who has that much time
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know
That you were born, (you were born, yeah), you were born to fly

In One Month

As I sit at the computer sipping coffee this morning, I can see a beautiful world just out the window. The sun has already been up for hours and is casting a warm glow on the land. All of this cheer out of doors matches the joy in my soul. In exactly one month from today, I will marry my one true love. It is amazing how our journey has progressed.

We met in February of 2016.
We started communicating November of 2016.
We began courting January, 1, 2017.
Jeff proposed to me on May 13th, 2017.

And at last..... we'll be married on July 15th, 2017.

I am feeling very blessed to have Jeff in my life and am looking forward to be his one and only helpmeet, wife and best friend in life. It amazes me that people take so long to develop relationships. By the time Jeff and I were able to visit in person in December we'd already talked about so many of the essential things of life, that he told me he wanted me marry me. So there was never any question of his intentions which made our entire relationship direction and focus. I can't imagine how things would have gone if we'd hung out in a limbo state of "getting to know each other" for months and months. When Jeff did propose it was more of a surprise because I figured he might skip that step since we were already planning to be married. It's been such a freeing relationship. We've both been around long enough to know that no relationship is ever perfect but we have the Lord on our side and we get to be heirs together in the grace of life. That is enough to get us through any hardships and more than enough to cause our joys to abound.

One month. It'll fly by. I will enjoy these few days I still have to write my maiden name. I am relishing the nights I spend in my single bed surrounded by the bedroom walls of my days of longing and youth. I've had a good run of singleness and although I can't say I liked every minute of it, I learned to be content and find pleasure in the things I had and the place where I was at in life. One of the verses I had written on my bedroom wall was Psalm 27:14, "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." I think it was that verse that brought me through to this day. It was that verse that gave me strength to save my heart for Jeff. I know that verse will continue to guide me in my relationship with Jeff by instilling me with patience. 
  
I thank my Heavenly Father for this season in my life where I close one chapter and open another. Christ has the power to work His will in me... and I have the pleasure to understand Christ's love for the church, through this institution of marriage. 
I am feeling very blessed. 

Ephesians 3:14-21
"For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."
 

Goodbye, Granddad.

It seems that there must come a time in everyone's life for their loved one's to begin departing from them. Thus, leaving us deprived of all but the memories they left behind. I knew my mom's dad wasn't in the best of health. He'd been residing in Mexico for the past two years because there were some promising or at least comforting alternative medical treatments for his ailments. At first he and his wife would return from the warm, balmy region with stories of how lovely it is down in Mexico where they were staying. They'd try to lure us down for a visit. Then it was just my grandpa's wife who'd come up; the trip was too difficult for my granddad. I suppose I knew at this point that he wasn't going to be around forever but I was very hopeful he'd hold out a bit longer.

Grandpa and his wife had offered to fly my brother and I down to visit. I should have gone. It was all the silly little life things that prevented me. Needed to work, wanting to wait till I had enough money, waiting to get a passport, waiting till I could travel with someone because of my fear of traveling alone. All these little things.....

And so I heard of my grandpa's death this past month with great sadness. He was gone and I'd never be able to hear his laugh again, have a conversation with him again, or scroll through his many photos with him again. My heart is sad at his going.

I learned many things from him. In one large sense, I learned what NOT to do, since he left his wife and children to pursue his own selfish interests. But when he came back into his kid's lives I was about 14. Young enough to still have a lot of love for someone just because their name was "grandpa", in spite of them not having been a grandpa in my childhood years.

He taught me photography lessons, like how to organize files of pictures so I could find them later. He taught me how to take pictures in different ways and encouraged my creative talents. He payed for piano lessons in high school. He gifted me with his impressive Canon Mark II 5D when it became too heavy for him to lug around. I remember my amazement that he would give such an expensive gift to me and driving around in my cheap Honda taking photos of the countryside with the realization that the camera was worth way more than my car and I had no business driving it around in such a vessel. I think my granddad had hopes I would go on to college and become something splendid. Yet, in spite of the fact that I never went on to college and haven't really developed any one particular skill beyond amateur level he still loved me and encouraged me and thought the world of me. Or at least that's the impression I always got from him.

He'd always point out that we were fellow Aquarians and I suppose this was a bonding point. Then later when I became interested in learning about personality I discovered that he was an INFP and I was an ENFP.... which also made us pretty similar and was another bonding point. When I first was getting to know granddad and still new nothing about myself he sized me up one time. He said, "Mary Ellen, I can tell you hold your cards close". It made me feel a little uncomfortable that he had me figured out that easily.... because I've always been the type that has trouble opening up my most deep parts of myself. I'm extraordinary friendly and jovial with everyone and I make friends easily. I'm good at drawing other people out, but I suppose half of that is done so that I don't have to open up about myself. So after that statement I always felt my grandpa understood me.

It was sad that family relations were strained because he left them to fend for themselves when his children were still quite young. In fact my mom was 14 when he left. The same age I was when he came back. I wonder what life would have been like had he stayed. Yet, I'll choose to learn from the lessons he left behind and be thankful for the good things and memories he made with me.

Oh, one more thing. Calling someone "grandpa" always felt the most natural to me although there are many variations of the term out there. However, he always addressed himself as "Granddad" and so I finally adopted the term for him and it'll always have a more special meaning.

CNA

Last Thursday I woke up bright and early to go take the CNA state exam. It was nice to wake up and watch the sun rise on my drive. My body is still used to waking up in the early morning, so even though I've been getting up at 8:30 most mornings, 6:30 felt strangely refreshing. I was fortunate enough to take the test with most of my classmates, and to make it more amusing my friend Tony was my partner during the skills test. It was funny as we'd spent our lunches together in the facility cafeteria during our month of class, when all the other classmates went out for lunch. We had some great conversations during those 30 minute lunch breaks. He was a nice guy and I always encouraged him in his life endeavors. We were able to talk about God and Christianity. He was open to the topic. He was also just out of an 8 year relationship and wanted to be with somebody who was committed. He'd tell me stories during the month of going to the bar with friends and meeting a really nice girl only for her to not want to reconnect later. I told him to be patient and a really nice girl would come along without him having to go to the bar to find her. Well sure enough while we were all waiting for our turn this past Thursday he was telling us excitedly about this really nice girl who'd come in to the gym he worked at. They hit it off right away and they're in a relationship now. She's a Christian and he's changing his work schedule so he can go to church with her. It was wonderful to hear him happily talk about this wonderful gal he'd met. Patience pays off.

I did pass both the written exam and the skills test! Quite exciting. I went in expecting not to pass. I didn't feel I had prepared and studied enough, and the test is so picky where if you do one thing wrong you could be failed. You have to perfectly perform 5 out of 5 skills. I had to do Hand Washing, Dressing a Client with an Affected Right Arm, Denture Care, Recording Urinary Output, and Female Peri-care (on a manikin). I almost botched the whole test on the 2nd skill. I started dressing the resident (a.k.a Tony) with the wrong arm first. The examiner loudly hinted, "You're dressing the client with the affected RIGHT arm." ...and I didn't get the hint so she suggested again, "...the affected RIGHT arm!" *whew*!!! Then I realized!!! Yikes. During the skills test you're allowed to correct an error as long as you state what the correction should be and when you should have done it BEFORE the skill is complete. I lucked out.... and completed all of my other skills appropriately. Only one of my classmates didn't pass and that was because she had to count and record someone's pulse. That's one of the hardest skills of all, and she new she'd gotten off count but didn't specify a restart. What a bummer! We all felt her pain because not one of us desired to get that skills.

Anyways, I was also out of there and done with the exam by 12:30pm..... and they'd said it could last till 5pm. So it was like having a day off. Celebration!!
Now I'm an official Certified Nursing Assistant. I still have a long way to go in learning how to work in the LTC environment and be the most efficient and supportive employee I can be. It's a challenge and occupation that I'm enjoying so far. My time is spent helping people that can't get by without assistance. I feel like it's a ministry of sorts and caring for the disabled, needy and elderly is something God expects of all of us in some capacity or another. 

Psalm 71:9, "Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth."

Leviticus 19:32, "Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD."

Galatians 5:14, " For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."